Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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