I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This is the high leading the old right now
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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