once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
