my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
