I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
