If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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