dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
