It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
