genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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