I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
