dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
