dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
