Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
