I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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