soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
