You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
