I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
