i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
