Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
