I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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