My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
