i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
