keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
