you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
