My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
