one might say we're banned from that church
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
