I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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