I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
