can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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