how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
