So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
