you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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