What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
