Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
