This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
