They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
