woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
