someone threw a dead crab at me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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