you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
