I'm lost and stupid without you.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
