It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
