I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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