i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
