I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
