ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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