It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
