He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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