we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm really busy with my period
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