he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
