she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
